The Life I've Always Wanted...or Something More?

Lately, I have been confronted by a deep nagging feeling in my gut, and by scripture in my devotions and writings from contemporary Christian authors, even the worship music that I have been drawn to lately, seem to all be telling me the same thing...have I surrendered or am "the Rich Young Ruler."

I have come to realize that I have two desires:

Desire #1:  I want to live a tidy, Christian life.  You know the sort, devoted, sound theology, competent leadership ability, successful, and happy.  The kind of "happy" that comes from a well ordered life, everything in its place, a solid portfolio of "God is good, all the time, I am blessed, blessed, blessed! Can I get an A-men?"

Desire #2:  I want to be used mightily of of God.  To be able to say, "Speak Lord, Your servant is listening." To be the kind of disciple that is willing to get out of the boat, to be like Paul content with plenty or with little, to rejoice in trial as well as victory or as Matthew 10:39 says, "If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." Am I willing to give Him my all?  


So, what seems to be the problem?  Well these two things are mutually exclusive, it seems I want two different things.  I want "Nutri-system Christianity"  You know a svelte muscular physique without the pain and sweat of exercise.  I want a collective bargaining agreement with God...guaranteed benefits, and better working conditions (I am pretty sure that the whole losing your life bit won't make it past OSHA regulations).

I say that I want God to lead and guide me in my prayers, but when it comes down to it do I really.  When I need to make a decision about what to do with my money, how to spend my free time or almost anything that isn't "ministry related" do I take time to consult him?  Of course not!  He might actually have something to say and then I'll be forced to decide whether or not to follow his counsel.

How can I change this seeming bloodymindedness, to move away from the life that I want and the life that having a relationship requires?  This is a huge question not one that is likely to be answered in today's blog entry, but something that will prayerfully take shape in the days and weeks ahead.  I will begin by asking Tanya to help me by keeping me accountable, to ask me if I have been giving the Lord more room to speak into my life.  I'm not talking about consulting Him with the big stuff, that's easy; but engaging the Lord and inviting Him to speak into the seemingly insignificant places.  Am I surrendering more of my life to him, that's not so easy...He may just tell me what I don't want to hear, He may ask me to move out of my comfort zone... 


I am a big fan of Chris Tomlin and the words of his song - I Will Follow are hitting me right in the chest, the lyrics are brilliant, I want them to become the anthem for my life: 

"...Where you go, I'll go
Where you stay, I'll stay
When you move, I'll move
I will follow you
Who you love, I'll love
How you serve I'll serve
If this life I lose, I will follow you
I will follow you

Light unto the world
Light unto my life
I will live for you alone
You're the one I seek
Knowing I will find
All I need in you alone, in you alone..."

Hungry, Could You Spare Some Change?

At the beginning of the year as Tanya and I sat down to write out our goals for the year we also made a decision to challenge ourselves this year to be more intentional about the ways we conduct the affairs or everyday life.  We want to be more intentional about how we handle our money, our checkbook register is a measure of what we treasure in life after all.

We also want to be more intentional about how we spend out time, time is a limited commodity and we frequently waste much of it...  We want to be more intentional in our relationships, are we good parents, good children to our parents, good neighbors, etc...  or how about good Christians?

We also want to be more intentional about intentional about studying the scriptures, and decided to embark on studying some the areas of scriptures that we often avoid, either for their difficulty or our lack of interest.  It is our hope that maybe our resistance to these areas might be out of rebellion and that the Holy Spirit may speak to our hearts through them and bring about transformation. 

Speaking for myself, I know that I can be stubborn, i resist change and am usually more that willing and happy to cling to more comfortable spiritual disciplines that require little from me...but alas I have grown tired of living this way, I have a thirst for adventure!  Adventure that is beyond the comforts of the recliner and remote control (I mean this both literally and metaphorically).

So, what are we going to do?  Well for starters, we are going to tame our finances.  We are reconnecting to tried and tested methodology.  We are facilitating Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University (FPU) at our church this will motivate us to get our financial house in order as well as provide the necessary accountability.

Secondly, Tanya and I have embarked on a deep study of the book of Ezekiel.  Neither of us has really given this book much attention and felt this might be a good book for deeper study.  We are hoping that the Holy Spirit will illuminate this difficult to read and understand book and bring deeper understanding and transformation into our spiritual lives.  To aid us in this endeavor we have procured a good commentary to aid us in our study.

It is my hope that in the coming weeks or months that some of my posts will reflect the impact that these two areas of focus are having...   

The Spark.

I guess introductions are customary, so here it is...

My name is Matthew Russell Hinton according to my birth certificate, I am a 40 year-old, happily married, father of two adopted children from China.  I am also proud to be a stay-at-home dad.  I am credentialed with the Assemblies of God in the Minnesota District.  I am the volunteer, small groups pastor at Grove Christian Center in Maple Grove and hold a BA in Pastoral Studies from North Central University.  I have a wide range of interests which include but are not limited to the following:  a tremendous love for Jesus Christ who accepted me despite my numerous flaws, reading...non-fiction to science-fiction, traveling, motorcycles - a great way to travel by the way..., movies, music and more things that will probably come to me after I post this...

So, why the blog?  Well, I have been a stay-at-home dad for the past for years more or less with a few months of mindless work intermingled during that same period.  After returning home from China on Christmas Eve with the most recent addition to our family (our son Zeke) I mentioned to my wife, Tanya that I felt like my mind was going a little soft and that I needed something to help keep me sharp.  Let me say that women, wives in particular have great insight and the advise they give their husbands should not be discounted or eagerly dismissed.  Tanya encouraged me to start this blog.  She told me that it would provide several benefits, the first of which is keep the synapses firing, the second is it my help me sharpen my writing skills and provide an outlet for my thoughts.  I have no hopes of this blog making me money or famous, but if either of those happens well that's cool too!  I will be using it more like a journal inviting selected individuals to share in this journey and keep me accountable!

The name...well this came about from a conversation I had with my pastor.  We talked about how we both wished we had more victory in our lives, but that there were places in our lives that were uncultivated, or maybe just not cultivated enough, and as a result there were things about ourselves that we both desired to see changed.  This conversation has sat with me for a couple of days now and I think I heard the Spirit tell me "There can be no victory without surrender!" So here it is, the spark I needed, let the journey begin!